so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
