Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
