We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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