Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Randomize
