you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
She bit a glass in half.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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