Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Randomize
