Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
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