i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
