they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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