I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
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everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
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