I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
