I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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