sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
im six kinds of drunk right now
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
