I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize