u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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