I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
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