True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
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