My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize