I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Randomize
