It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
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