A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
We had sex on a dog bed..
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
