Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Randomize
