You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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