just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
we should paint friendship bongs
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