im six kinds of drunk right now
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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