please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
