thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
