I am puke
idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
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