4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Randomize
