I want to walk on stilts...naked
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Randomize
