help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Randomize
