You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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