i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
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That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
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we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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