im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
your like the ambassador to my penis.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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