shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
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