My girlfriend figured out who you are.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
This house was built for laser tag.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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