Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
