Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
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