he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
He did a backflip because drugs
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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