is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
