vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
