I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Randomize
