Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
We had to coat check the pizza.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
he had hair everywhere except his balls
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
