My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
