know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
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There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
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That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
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