Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Randomize
