Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
