Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
