just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I want her autograph on my taint
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
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