Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
