i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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