VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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