no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
