I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
