i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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