Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
whose ass print is on the piano?
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
