yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
