She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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