Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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