yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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