I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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