If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
