i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
