First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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