when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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