Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
