Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Randomize