i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Randomize
