you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
