when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
