So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
