I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
