God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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