U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
