Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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