Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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