you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
